i didn't really want to write tonight...

i just want to sleep.

instead, i'm doing this and finishing the novel Darkly Dreaming Dexter. i haven't seen the series and i'm not thrilled with the first book so far, but i like the concept a lot! i hope i end up liking the book because i already bought #2 in the series (thinking it was the first). Laurell K Hamilton is coming out with a new Anita Blake novel Blood Noir in May.

it is cold and rainy here and i am wasting gas to heat up the apartment. i do it for the cat. i don't know whether i am happy or deeply sad and troubled to know that this cat is spoiled (and my sister spoils Little One, the third cat) and get's better housing, food and medical care than 12 million children in THIS country. troubled, i think. happy because she would otherwise be dead since my aunt's grandkids would not have taken her. when one of her grandkids offered to take my aunt 'in', they said she had to 'get rid of' two of her cats...the sick and old ones, Poppy and Angel. to my aunt, they were her loves and kept her happy and moving and caring about her life. her grandkids did not do that (and neither did i). after all my aunt had done for me in my life, the least i could do NOW (that it was too late) was take in all her cats and love them like an auntie would love her nieces. now, Maniac Mike, the mean, old, dangerous felon, would die without Angel...and he has never seen her in person. he at least got to talk to my aunt to tell her how much he loved ALL her cats and that she should not worry that they will ever be given away. i still cry my eyes out over losing Poppy.

yesterday, i saw the eye doctor because my eyes started burning on saturday. that day, i took three showers to try and soothe them. my mistake was to rub them in the first place. sunday was a little better and monday got worse again. i thought it might be an allergic reaction but i was scared because it was hard to see. turns out, it's got to be allergies and if the eye drop solution doesn't work, i'll get a prescription. also, my asthma has kicked in so it must be all the pollen in the air. i haven't had eye trouble since i was 11 and found out i was allergic to oak. i was playing in the woods, building a fort with friends and developed an horrible rash over my face and hands. so, no oak sap for me, please and no burning oak, either.

i still have not had a phone call from M and the letters have not been encouraging. i am truly scared for him as he is in a particularly bad prison and they haven't permitted his phone calls to me and they have blocked his calls to his mom for some reason. M tries to tell me it's all about inefficiency, but i am worried anyway. i know what they did to him because he dared to get a lawyer to transfer up here and i know how much a particular warden hates M for his work as a law clerk while in that warden's prison. this guy may have more influence now after 4 years and grudges don't die in the prison system. so, between the allergies, general pain and constant worry, i don't sleep much. to make things worse, Florida may make M stay there until the end of September even though he gets out at the end of July. in other words, they'll let him out of prison but they'll max him out in Florida. so, i don't know what will happen and how we will handle it.

seems like a minor problem compared to the problems of, say, an Iraqi kid, but then, it's a really BIG problem compared to, say, coworkers who missed the last episode of Dancing with the Stars or the latest clothing store blowout. and damn it! if i hear about Pilates class one more time, i'll scream!

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

Raw Power CD by Iggy and The Stooges



Raw Power

...Don 't you try to tell me what to do
Everybody's always tryin to tell me what to do
Look in the eye of the savage girl
Fall deep in love in the underworld
Raw power is sure to come a runnin to you
If you're alone and you got the shakes
So am I baby and I got what it takes
Raw power is sure to come a runnin to you
Raw power got a healin hand
Raw power can destroy a man
Raw power is more than soul
Got a son called rock and roll
Raw power honey just won't quit
Raw power I can feel it...

Iggy and The Stooges

Must see documentary: Cesky sen

a wonderful and hilarious documentary about new-found, rampant consumerism in the Czech Republic created by two film students to test whether advertising and the Czech Dreams of hypermarkets (malls and/or Walmart-like stores) will draw crowds to the 'opening' of a new hypermarket "Cesky-sen". the students "hire" the best advertising company to aid in their campaign to see if this new (but entirely fictional!) store will draw the crowds that usually accompany grand openings of large stores. if you thought the USA was enthralled by malls, wait until you see the Czechs. wow. still, after all they have been through, who can blame any of them for wanting 'more'.

Quote: Who said this?

hint: the time: February 12, 1920

"I do not understand this sqeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poison gas against uncivilised tribes."

the quote refers to (more specifically) the Kurds and Iraqis and (generally) to Arabs.

hint: one of the "greatest" men of our century.

-------------------------------------------------









Winston Churchill

found at:
http://www.againstbombing.org/chemical.htm

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

i listened to CCR, Styx and John Lennon

Show Me the Way

Every night I say a prayer in the hope(s) that there's a heaven.
and everyday I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay
And I feel this empty place inside so a fraid that I've lost my faith

Show me the way, show me the way
take me tonight to the river and wash my illusions away
Please show me the way

And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred
That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so far to go
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won't know

Show me the way, Show me the way
Bring me tonight to the mountain
And take my confusion away
And show me the way

And if I see a light, should I believe
Tell me how will I know

-Styx

--------------------------------------------------

Fortunate Son

Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail To The Chief",
oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,

It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no senator's son,
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, no,
...
Yeh, some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
ooh, they send you down to war, Lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give,
oh, they only answer, more, more, more, yoh,

It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no military son, SON, NO
It ain't me, it ain't me,
I ain't no fortunate one, NO NO

-Creedence Cleawater Revival

-------------------------------------------------

Power to the People

Say you want a revolution
We better get on right away
Well you get on your feet
And out on the street

Singing power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people, right on

A million workers working for nothing
You better give 'em what they really own
We got to put you down
When we come into town

Singing power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people, right on

I gotta ask you comrades and brothers
How do you treat you own woman back home
She got to be herself
So she can free herself

Singing power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people
Power to the people, right on
Now, now, now, now

-John Lennon

Snape's on a Plane

i couldn't resist!

Protesting the Beijing Olympics

in a recent Japanese interview, His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said that Beijing has the right to hold the Olympics. he also said that he hopes Heads of State would not attend the opening ceremony but that the Olympics should proceed. he has asked, as he always does, to remain peaceful when deomonstrating, to refrain from violence and not to aim your anger at the chinese people who are suffering as well.

do you remember the Moscow Olympics and the US boycott? i do and i was wondering if 'we' would not be sending our athletes to China...not only because of the Chinese Government's abuse and tyranny over the Tibetan people but also for their abysmal Human Rights record. Microsoft has also agreed to go along with a censored version of a Google Search Engine that would restrict the chinese people from certain information. for instance, if you are in China and want to search for "Dalai Lama", you would find, at best, disinformation and propaganda.

still, i believe that, in today's world, the 'Olympic Games' is one of the very few venues in which the world can get together on Something. it's not just about Sport but about Sportsmanship and (hopefully...though not always) healthy competition. i believed that boycotting the Moscow Olympics was purely political and hurt our athletes. imagine if we had boycotted the Berlin Olympics and never got the chance to witness history when Jesse Owens not only won 4 Gold Medals but humiliated Hitler and Hitler's ideas about a Superior Race?

i do believe in peaceful protests in favor of Tibetan liberation from China. i AM sorry that the chinese protestors seem to have been treated better that the protestors for a Free Tibet. they should be treated equally as long as neither side is violent. keep in mind that i also believe many of the chinese protests are arranged by the chinese government and orchestrated by the chinese government. i also believe that we must have compassion for the chinese people who are living under oppresion of basic human rights. that's right: Compassion. me, the least compassionate of all.

Bush should not attend the opening ceremony but our athletes should. and I should be more mindful of the things i buy and where they come from.

FREE TIBET!

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

The Suicidal Tendencies self-titled album

Institutionalized

I'm not crazy - in an institution
You're the one who's crazy - in an institution
You're driving me crazy - in an institution

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing
And then my mom came in and I didn't even know she was there she called my name
And I didn't even hear it, and then she started screaming: MIKE! MIKE!
And I go:
What, what's the matter
And she goes:
What's the matter with you?
I go:
There's nothing-wrong mom.
And she goes:
Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!
And I go:
No mom I'm not on drugs I'm okay, I was just thinking you know, why don't you get me a Pepsi.
And she goes:
NO you're on drugs!
I go:
Mom I'm okay, I'm just thinking.
She goes:
No you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!
I go:
Mom just give me a Pepsi please
All I want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me.
Just a Pepsi.

-Suicidal Tendencies



and Revolution by the The Beatles over and over.

Revolution

You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right

- The Beatles

Must See Documentary: The King of Kong

i am old enough to remember the classic arcade games. i hated Donkey Kong but i loved Space Invaders. i remember playing it with my nephew and a friend at a bar my sister's friend owned during my mother's 50th birthday party. i was terrible!
this documentary is a lot of fun and you can't help but cheer for the sensitive Steve Wiebe (Luke Skywalker) and boo the cheesy, mullet-haired schemer (Darth Vader) Billy Mitchell. Wiebe is a teacher, a dad and husband and just an all-around good Joe. i couldn't help feeling his angst, his disappointment and then...well, i can't give away the ending. Billy, on the other hand, was portrayed as the slimey weasel who wouldn't be a good sport and meet with (let alone, compete with) Wiebe. while Wiebe is an educator, Mitchell peddles hot sauce.
let me know what you think!

i have been reading and watching some heavier stuff lately and i was just thrilled to have this little gem of an escape come along. treat yourself and watch it.

Quote: Eleanor Roosevelt

For it isn't enough to talk about peace.
One must believe in it.
And it isn't enough to believe in it.
One must work at it.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

well, since Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols is presumed stolen, i listened to Flogging A Dead Horse instead. CAT!

also, finally got a card from Maniac Mike (YAY!) and Angel got one, too. it was so mushy and wussy...and i had to read it to her. she was all pink and purr-y. YUCK! how did i get stuck with such a Princess!? oh, yeah, i asked for her. drat. but she came with two really wonderful sisters! i thought i was getting a good deal.

Volunteerism

let's get this one thing out of the way first; my copy of Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols is missing. the dog next door has gone all Anarchistic and the cat has been smoking Something. just saying!

there is an article (or editorial) in Reason magazine this month about youth volunteerism. i believe they are against "mandatory" volunteerism for youth. i see that, here INRI, some Catholic Churches require kids to complete a certain number of volunteer hours (can be in a secular setting) in order to receive Confirmation. just a few hours...not 10's or 100's of hours. just a few. they come to the library because they think it is 'easy' work...and it IS, for them. we basically ask them to put DVD's away. WOW!

other high school kids may be required to complete a number of volunteer hours, as well. again, a few hours. kids who have gotten into trouble with the law may be required to do a few more hours over that. again, they come to the library, by and large, for the 'easy' work. some actually do a fantastic job and work hard. some do yard work, some do 'paper work' (like cutting out slips or art for the childrens' room projects). we've had a few adults who were required to complete community service and, on at least one occasion, we were really sorry to see one lady go. she was GOOD! we wanted to hire her but had no openings (and she did have a job already).

i see nothing wrong with asking, even requiring, high school kids to do a few hours of community service in their junior and senior years. 15 hours per year seems like little to ask. their parents sure aren't teaching these kids how to be civically minded.

now, Obama's plan to require kids to volunteer in exchange for tuition money...um, defeats the purpose of volunteering. also, how much work does he expect these kids to do? what incentive does a kid with wealthy parents have to volunteer for $4,000? what about the juniors and seniors who have to hold down a job after school just to help their families get by? do we burden them with hours of extra work? how far will $4,000 get a kid today? not to a four year university! keep in mind, Obama had paid tuition and partial scholarships to one of our top private high schools, Punahou. his mom sent him back to Hawaii (from Indonesia) for an education where he lived with his maternal grandparents, in a good neighborhood, in a two-bedroom apartment. his grandparents may not have been rich, but they were NOT poor. not by a long shot. if he worked for wages, it was because he wanted to. if he volunteered for anything in high school..........?? i honestly can't answer that.

i believe whole-heartedly in volunteerism and i believed that it is the parents, caregivers or mentors that must SHOW a child what it is to volunteer. in other words, if you want your kid to be civically minded, YOU must volunteer for Something! anything. pick ANYTHING. even the least amount of time given can mean something to someone else.

when Hino was young, i hoped to show him that it was a good thing to participate(without expectation of reward) in the community. i was lucky because he got a head start in the small Catholic Day School i managed to send him to (with financial aid and family...my sister was a enormous help with uniforms and other extras like lunch, trips, books, etc). they had a program where 1st graders were taken to a nursing home to interact with the wiser generation. the kids and their 'friends' would do small things like play cards or games or just talk. i was told by Hino's teacher (and i am very proud, still!) that he was the best of the class at relating to the elderly and seemed to enjoy it, too. so, he did go to a school, for 3 years, that promoted volunteerism. i also started volunteering, once a week, on a day off, in the school kitchen. i mainly washed pots and trays, but that was fine. i liked the cook/nutritionist. i only did that for a couple of months, though.

my nephew was in the Boy Scouts and earned his way to Eagle Scout. his troop, and the church that sponsored them, needed a Cub Scout Pack. i had already been a Tiger mom and Den mother when i offered to TRY to start a Pack. i barely managed it and became a Cub Master. i went to all the required courses, recruited, did the paper work, organized and basically had a second, unpaid, full time job. i don't think Hino ever liked Scouts. he's a loner, like me. we don't do well in groups, although, he probably does better than i do. i grew to loathe the work and left after the year but i did do what i set out to do: start a Pack. it is still a Pack some 11 (or so) years later. i hope i showed him that hard, unpaid work, pays off.

the only other thing Hino and i did was bring books to the elderly at a nursing home and to one elderly lady. i didn't do so well with that, but he did just fine.

so, i didn't do a lot, but i hope i did enough. if every parent did just a little bit, more kids would consider volunteering a kind and necessary act and not 'work for nothing'.

one word i do not like is 'conscription'. THAT is not something i would ever want in this country again. in other words, no Draft. no compulsory military service. we have youth dying around the world for joining the military in return for a hoped for/never seen education...never realized because they are dead! it is a sad state of affairs when a kid has to risk his or her life to have any hope of getting an education. i have an idea: instead of spending money on War, Bombs and Black Budgets (to build bigger, badder weapons), let's spend some of that money on education for the poorest kids, the brightest kids and, gosh darn, every kid who wants a college education but can't affordone. would be nice...once everyone is fed, of course. oh, yeah...maybe we could get them to a doctor, too.

Robert Frost

from the collection of poems A Further Range

excerpt from poem Desert Places

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars-on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

-Robert Frost

WTF? CIA?

hey! i was reading this page (http://nobelprizes.com/nobel/peace/1996b.html) about Ramos-Horta and Bishop Belo's 1996 Co-Nobel Peace Prize when i scrolled down to FEATURED LINKS and clicked on Indonesia (in pink) and, well, well, up popped the CIA web page. try it. unless, of course, you are really, really paranoid. funny, but i do think it was the CIA that paved the way for Indonesian rape of East Timor. or, i could be a conspiracy nut (i am! and proud of it! i see conspiracies in my fucking cereal each morning!) or, not. (no, really, i AM!)

2007-2008 Punahou tuition, Obama and East Timor

just so you'll know, the 2007-2008 tuition for Punahou is $15,725, K-12. if you could afford to send your son or daughter to Punahou, then, by all means, vote for Obama. if you can't and never could, then think again. visit punahou.edu, click 'about us' and read the mission statement. the very first point mentions 'christian values'. elitist? HELL YEAH!

also, Obama recently released a statement about the failed assassination attempt on the life of East Timor's President Jose Ramos-Horta (see Obama's website) or google 'obama east timor'. hmmmm. no mention of his Indonesian stepfather or the fact that the US bombed the shit out of the Timorese and aided Indonesia in it's bloody, genocidal take-over of a unique and peaceful people in 1975 (and earlier).

vote for whomever your heart desires but don't think you'll be getting anyone or anything New and Improved. not until we achieve some healthy Anarchy, folks.

(vote anyway if only to piss someone off!)

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

the 'B side' of Nevermind and Damaged by Black Flag.

i really believe that 95% of the world's population DOES rise above and yet they never get a chance. that is because 5% of the world would rather starve them, bomb them, steal their land and resources and rewrite history to better serve the few. see: The Holocaust, East Timor, Cambodia, Rwanda, Darfur, IRAQ!

Get Together

Love is but a song to sing
Fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now

-The Youngbloods

yeah. right.

Proper cell phone misuse

Maniac Mike was shipped back to Florida yesterday morning soon after i spoke with him. i found out last night, when, i think, Shorts Man called me. Shorts Man is the brother of an inmate. then, this morning, Popeye called me. Popeye was/is M's friend and, after Seg, cellmate. if you want to know something about Mike, know that he was/is glad to be Popeye's friend and cellmate (even among all the bluster and drama of Popeye's life in B Mod) and did not care a single SHIT what anyone else thought. i would kid Mike all the time, "what if everyone thinks you and Popeye are having a fling in there?" and he would always say that he was not Popeye's type and that he didn't care squat about what anyone else thought. if they want to think he was having an all night Fuckfest with Popeye, then let them...as long as they didn't talk shit about Popeye. then he would have to DO something about that.

when M got shipped up here from Florida four years ago, it took nine days and dozens of little jails and bigger intake centers. he lost 25 pounds and he looked really bad. he was on and off a bus, with his hands and feet shackled to a big chain that went around his waist (yeah, just like the movies) and the shackle was padlocked to a bolt on the floor of the bus. i would not have made it. i would have flipped out. i can't stand to wear a fucking girdle, never mind shackles!

anyway: cell phone misuse. getting there. since friday morning, we both thought M was being shipped out then and there. he was pulled out of the shower, told to pack his shit, report to the warehouse because Florida was comin'. but i guess they got lost AGAIN on the way up and M waited. friday night, i was in Stop and Shop when M called the cell phone. we had a talk and during the talk i said: "Don't let anyone give you any shit. don't let anyone hurt you. if you have to beat the hell out of someone or even kill someone, then do it. i don't want to be a fucking widow!" i imagine they heard me an aisle or two over because i was rather upset. it didn't even occur to me that i was in a very public place saying very bad things and no one around me knew who i might be talking to or what about. hmmm. then i thought, 'well, that makes up for all the stupid one-sides of conversations that i have had to listen to in just about every public place from airplane, to restroom stall, to Libraries and restaurants'. good. see, that is PROPER cell phone misuse. a thirteen year old girl calling another thirteen year old girl from the mall to say that she just bought the latest American Ickle CD would just be cell phone ABUSE. subtle, but different. right?

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

the 'A Side' of Nevermind


I like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack.
I love you.I'm not gonna crack.
I kill you. I'm not gonna crack.(x2)

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head.

-Lithium


-------------------------------------------

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care
Care, care if it's old.
I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind
Mind. I don't have a mind.
Get away, Get away, Get away, Get away
Way, way from your home.
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
Afraid, of ghosts!

-Breed

that's all i had time for.

quote from Have A Nice Doomsday

"...fence sitting was no better than throwing brickbats, at least in God's eyes."

author-Nicholas Guyatt, 2007
ISBN978-0-06-115224-5

a most excellent quote!

i would never throw brickbats into God's eyes, but then, i am not a fence sitter. not since i was registered as an Independent, anyway.

brickbat-–noun 1. a piece of broken brick, esp. one used as a missile.
2. any rocklike missile.
3. an unkind or unfavorable remark; caustic criticism: The protestors greeted the president with brickbats. er, right.

a most excellent word, brickbat. not quite as good as bric-a-brac (also good for greeting presidents, by the way.)

Music i listened to today (idea stolen from other blog)

not much music today. The album Paranoid by Black Sabbath.

All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy
Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify
Can you help me, occupy my brain?

-Paranoid
--------------------------------------------------------

and Lest We Forget (The Best Of) by Marilyn Manson

I wanna live, I wanna love
But its a long hard road, out of hell
I wanna live, I wanna love
But its a long hard road, out of hell

You never said forever, could ever hurt like this
You never said forever, could ever hurt like this

-Long Hard Road Out Of Hell

quote from The Manchurian Candidate

"What is the conciousness of guilt but the arena floor rushing up to meet the falling trapeze artist? Without it, a bullet becomes a tourist flying without responsibility through the air. The conciousness of guilt gives a scent to humanity, a threat of putrefaction, the ultimate cosmetic. Without the conciousness of guilt, existence had become so bland in Paradise that Eve welcomed the Pungency of Original Sin."

-author Richard Condon, 1959

Tha Manchurian Candidate
ISBN0743482972

quote from Apocalypse 2012

"Save the world. Destroy the world. It's all pretty much the same ambition-that is, to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the absurd proposition that life is divided into two roughly equal halves: oneself, and the rest of the Universe."

author-Lawrence E Joseph, 2008

Apocalypse 2012: An Investigation Into Civilization's End
ISBN9780767924481

Love, RI Division of Taxation

in an effort to ignore all the Really, Really Rotten Shit happening this weekend, i will only write about the really rotten shit: RI Tax Forms.

first of all, the great state of RI & Providence Plantations did not even BOTHER to mail out forms nor did they bother to provide forms to the Libraries as they have done for, like, forever. well, not in 1629. in that year, they provided Quahog shells. so, they saved a bunch of money by placing the financial (and emotional) burden on Libraries and Librarians. oh, the State did have a number to call to request tax forms (to be sent to one's home) but NO ONE (not one single individual) i know who did call EVER get their forms. some people tried and tried but could not even get through. other folks were kept on hold for 15, 20, 30 minutes and STILL never received the forms they requested. way to go RI! INRI, it's all about efficiency! they also alienated the elderly population, the insane population, the normal population and the intelligent population (3 people somewhere in Burrillville [pronounced: bah-RAH-vil]) and half of Massachusetts. we are always alienating Massachusetts. just by existing, we alienate Massachusetts.

INRI, tax forms are also a good way to raise money for several organizations; many of them, i'm sure, are worthy. just tick a box and some of your tax refund will go to: #24 Drug Program Account (yes, i would like some drugs, please!)
#25 Olympic Contribution (i would like to finance the Jamaican Bobsled Team.)
#26 RI Organ Transplant Fund (no, just take my gallbladder, thanks!)
#27 RI Council for the Arts (one performance artist at RISD.)
#28 RI Nongame Wildlife Fund (oh, come on, Be Game!)
#29 RI Childhood Disease Victim's Fund (i had meningitis when i was 8. REFUND!)
#30 RI Military Family Relief Fund (how about, um, ending the WAR!)

see, some good organizations. there is also, of course, the political contribution.

what if we had some REALLY useful deductions instead?

#24 Deduction for having to run all over hell and highwater to find this form: $10
#25 Deduction for envelope and stamp: 46 cents
#26 Deduction to help repay cost to local libraries for all the ink and paper they used to print out forms from your website for people who don't own a computer: $100
#27 Deduction for migraines, nervous tics, mental breakdowns and depression incurred by tax paying residents of aforementioned state: PRICELESS.

the ONE thing i like about RI tax forms...and let me know if they do this in YOUR state...is that the form has a little Happy Smiley Face in the place where you would write in the amount you are to be refunded and there is a Very Sad Unsmiley face where you would write in the amount that you owe RI. it would be comical, if not so tragic. oh, soooo tragic!

try this blog

www.whatilistenedtoonmywaytoworktoday.blogspot.com

The Mystery of the Missing Compact Discs

not much of a mystery...really more of a theory. several CDs have gone missing from the Roman Column (which needs to morph into a Colosseum). also, i have smelled cigarette smoke in the apartment, on several occasions, after arriving home from work. also, i have a cat. also, the neighbor across from me has a small dog.

THEREFORE:

it is my theory that the cat is stealing my CDs and selling them to the dog for cigarettes. really. isn't it funny that the missing CDs are ones i believed i had placed on the lower shelves of the Column (like "The Best of Boy George" and "Faith" by George Michael. oh, don't you ROLL YOUR EYES at me! you tell me in all honesty that you are near my age and have NEVER listened to Culture Club. NEVER?). this is why i keep all the "good" stuff on the top shelves: Ramones, The Dead Boys, Sham 69, The Stooges, Black Sabbath, The Electric Hellfire Club, Motorhead, The Fall, The Partidge Fam......WAIT! how did THAT get there? i swear, i've never seen it before in my life! and the Best of Donny Osmond? hell, the cat isn't just Stealing CDs, she's BUYING them!

the only thing i can't figure out is: How does she light the cigarette? i haven't got a lighter; only matches. she has no thumbs. hmmmm. she's very dumb, yet oh so sneaky. if she were a human, she would have been a very beautiful, very blonde (dyed!), crack whore. she is Very, Very Sweet and Lovable (and Loving) but she's as bright as a burnt out bulb and she has no teeth. she's been off the crack for some time now, but i guess she can't kick that nicotine habit. it is, some have said, the most difficult habit to kick.

Mike hates it when i call Angel 'the cat' or 'that cat'. i said to him, "but she IS a cat! should i call her 'the dog'?" apparently, i am to address HRH by her name only and cease calling her 'the cat' or else Mike may actually have to get a little loud with me. it's amazing what i have put him through, yet he has never, ever yelled at me, humiliated me, cursed me, or told me to fuck off, yet, when i "pick on poor, wittle, pathetic Angel" he threatens to get loud. at me. damn cat.

seriously, i know that i can't blame the cat for my disorganization. after all, i'm pretty sure she didn't give the dog my W-2's (which i can't find either). i have several loose CDs that i can't match to the cases. so, i have empty cases with no CDs and CDs with no cases.

apparently, the dog isn't too organized, either. i better hide my Germ anthology and put Iron Butterfly on the bottom shelf. Iya-Coulda-Neva-Gitta-Nnta-Thata-Song.

nothing

absolutely nothing to write about. just sitting around, watching the first bar of the tattoo de-scab. (oh, i scabbed up and i think it was a little infected and i may lose the arm, but i don't care. hell, if Henry Rollins can cost me a speeding ticket, he might as well have my arm as well). and i know NOT TO PICK AT IT. if MM tells me not to pick at it ONE MORE TIME i may have to actually YELL at him...something i have never done. he does not like yelling, which is a shame really, because i am most excellent at yelling. ask Hino. really, really good. nowhere near as good as my mother, but still quite accomplished.

beat the cat a little after watching Sid and Nancy. seemed the thing to do. very self-destructive those two were! see, i think my whole problem in life is that i have never done any illegal drugs. well, not Never, but too few times to mention. i hated them. still, i suppose i could learn to like them. NAH! i just want some Halcion, that's all i really want. i think even France does not produce it anymore. i would move to France for Halcion. shit. i'll just be glad to get out of this country, out of this state and off this planet! truly, Planet France would be a much better place...but not Paris. somewhere down south where the Cathars used to live before that Fucker Pope Innocent III sent the Templars down there to slaughter them a few years ago! in the 1200's, i think. and then came the Spanish Inquisition just to make damn sure those Heretics were Completely Dead. and i am NOT going to say it! Nope! you'll just have to think it yourself. if i have to live with M. Python on the brain, then you should, too! and if you don't know what i am talking about, then you have no right to call yourself a fan of Monty Python's Flying Circus. NI!

i have replaced my wallpaper of Henry Rollins with a picture of Sid and Nancy to remind me that i must get around to some Serious Self-Destruction one of these days. maybe, like, tomorrow.

did i mention that MM had 40 days added on to his out date? no? well, he has and ALSO, we are now being told that he has to be shipped back to Florida to be released. this is news to us. this is news to Florida. so, lawyers all around! and where DID Dracula learn to suck blood? in Law School. but lawyers are like heroin...no use taking methadone...er...because...um...when you need one...HELP! HELP! I'M BEING REPRESSED!

sorry!

Walking the dread Mill and a Hurtful remark

just got back from walking the treadmill in the gym. yeah, i know it is nearly 2am. this is my best walking time. i am all alone, can keep most lights off and can blast the music that i like (tonight it was disc one of a Ramones anthology). i have been walking for about a week, 3 miles a night, which is not a lot but a start. i started walking when i could not fall asleep one night and just could not stop my brain from thinking too much and i decided that i would rather get out of bed and DO something than toss and turn and be shagged out for work in the morning. that night, i walked from 1:52am until 3:15am, took another shower and got up at 8:ooam for work. atleast i slept well for about 4 hours. i was still tired in the morning but not so groggy. now it is kind of a habit though tonight i had wanted to read either The Manchurian Candidate (started earlier) or the book pictured above, but i could not stop ruminating about a hurtful thing a coworker said (i am actually more angry than hurt by the comment) and decided to keep the nightly ritual. i think i now may be able to read just a bit before i fall asleep.

about the comment: i am psyched-up about Mike coming home. really relieved, happy and up about it. finally, after 6 and a half years i'll have my best friend (also husband) to share life with. he really has a good heart when it comes to me and Angel and Little One (and Poppy) and even Hino (he tries) and i know that some of his goals are to make me happy, make life a little easier, help with stress, keep house (for now) and handle the money (because i am the worst at that...we ALL know that)! he has always done for himself, so he is used to it all. when he was married years ago, he took care of everything and his wife just spent her paycheck on clothes. he can cook, organize, clean, entertain and be very supportive to me. i don't remember exactly what i said that caused my coworker to comment that all men are the same and i may think he is different but "i'll learn better" once he gets home. she said, "Husbands are like Shake N Bake...they all come out the same."

this really pissed me off because it is NOT true that all men are the same! i don't believe that my life will be a fairy tale as soon as Mike is out, and i know we will have our disagreements but DAMN, i love him and (this is the Biggie!) TRUST him not to hurt me and to do the best he can, when he can. Jesus H Christ! just because her husband hates to go out, is in a constant depression, drinks to excess and barely does anything with her (she spends and incredible amount of time shopping, taking classes and being with another coworker...and barely any time with her husband unless he has a doctor's appointment. she goes on vacations without him...to Alaska, to Italy, etc) doesn't mean my husband will be a carbon copy.

reminds me of the song on the CD 'Weight' titled 'Wrong Man':

you say we're all the same
you don't even know my name
sometime somewhere some man hurt you
i'm one of them so i get stuck with the blame
you think you know about me
you don't know a damn thing about me

i'm not all men
just one man
i'm not all men

-Rollins Band

if she says something again, there will be a fight.